to be and to become - all at once

October has been a time of embodying the teachings given to me during the summer months and witnessing the death of frameworks which were perpetuating harm in my being.

While summers writings and poems came easily, the story of this time is still being written and has yet to be embodied, so I do in fact, find myself at a loss for words in the presence of the great fullness I am experiencing during this phase.

Let’s give it a go shall we.

I find myself on a path in which I walk with fear and joyful curiosity in equal measure. I find myself with many circles closing, I find myself within new circles, inside and outside of my self.

I am not afraid to look at myself in the mirror

I am not afraid of inevitable fear

I am softening to my own humanness, again and again, and for always

I am pushing against the boundaries which I once needed to survive complex PTSD but which now are not all necessary

I am trying new things, learning new things like october ocean swims and baking bread

I am meeting my ancestors, I am learning my lineages, through language, craft, story, herbs, ritual

And while I am still healing myself in deep and profound ways, I am beginning to emerge to a place of being curious, willing and able as to how I can use my particular energy and gifts to heal the collective

I am finding my community

the wild lives in me, the bird, the bone

the otherworld lives in me, the dark, wet womb of the world

the pathways live in me, sovereign, seeking, connecting, creating

this is to be and to become all at once